A Place To Grieve

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"There is a time and a place for everything."

Ecclesiastes 3:1

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For some, the funeral is the only place they feel free and able to show their grief. Funerals are an accepted place for us to grieve openly, confront our sadness and provide an outlet for our pain. They give us a forum and an opportunity to release authentic feelings. They encourage and allow us to dwell on the deceased and their importance to us personally.

This is true not only for the immediate family, nearest and dearest, but for neighbours and business associates. The funeral also provides an outlet for disenfranchised grief, the grief of the ex-wife for example, that is often overlooked or not sanctioned.

Grieving as a group can also be more cathartic than grieving alone - “a problem shared is a problem halved.” People need the support of others during times of intense emotion.

All of the groups associated with the deceased will grieve to some extent over the death of their relationship with them. The funeral provides for them not only an accepted atmosphere in which to grieve, but a network of support from others in the group.

Attending my first tangi (Maori funeral) at the age of nine, I remember being overwhelmed at the rawness of emotion and sorrow on such a large scale - the intense wailing, the open and unselfconscious display of sadness and grief. These people were grief-stricken – it was hard to picture them being able to recover from their loss.

I felt confused when this gave way to joking, storytelling and laughter following the burial. My grandmother explained simply that there is a time and place for everything.