"Take my hand..."

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"Take my hand, and show me where we're going..."

Dido Armstrong

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Community involvement in the funeral can be seen as a valuable means of welcoming the bereaved “back to the fold”. It is also a way that the wider groups of friends and family can offer physical, emotional, and practical support to those closest to the deceased.

This support takes many forms – practically, from calling in with food, to helping organise aspects of the funeral. Physically, a comforting hug or an arm around the shoulders. Emotionally, a phone call, a message, a listening ear. All of these things let us show those we know well that they are not alone.

A lack of understanding of the value of community support at the time of a death can lead some families towards a private service. While there are times when this is an appropriate choice, it can deprive the wider circle of family and friends by preventing them from showing their pain, their respect, and their support. They might also feel rejected, and that their grief is not valid.

Consider that a funeral is not intended as a public display of grief, but a way for a group to share their sorrow at the loss of one of its members. Group participation – through singing, reciting of a poem or prayer in unison – assists all mourners in the grief journey. Particular community groups in which the deceased was involved can both give support and draw consolation from a shared tribute – a song, a eulogy, a reading, or a guard of honour.

A funeral can also be a family reunion in its own right, reuniting the extended family and the immediate. It can reunite estranged family and friends, healing old wounds and providing a forum for the honest expression of feelings.

A funeral provides a place for the wider community of mourners to gather together and grieve. When we are trying to find our feet, we need the ground to be stable underneath us, and for loving arms to catch us, should we fall.